He shed His Blood for a purpose.. But not me..

Dated 26/04/2008. Saturday. 1945hrs. Went to toilet. Discovered, subject has passed out blood. Subject mentioned he felt it was 'normal'.

Dated 27/04/2008. Sunday. 1329hrs. Subject rushed to the toilet. Felt extremely urgent. More blood passed out. Felt thirsty.

2239hrs. Thought he had diahaerra, went to toilet. Blood passed out. Lesser than previous.

Dated 28/04/2008. Monday. 0445hrs. Prepared to report to camp. Went toilet, same experience. Called the office, informed them on reporting sick.

Dated 29/04/2008. Tuesday. 1000hrs. Woke up to rush to toilet. Same result. Felt slightly giddy. Took notice of giddy spell.

2000hrs. After dinner, felt the urge again. Went to toilet. Felt giddy. Subject new, he passed out blood. He was right. Went to see GP again. GP diagnosed: Acute Hamaeroids. Advised to see specialist if illness get worse. MC extended till 02/05/2008.

Dated 30/04/2008. Wednesday. 1430hrs. Reported back to camp, endorsed MC in medical center. Medic discovered subject as low blood pressure: 90/50. Might advise to be on drips. Medical Officer suggested to rest at home.


Yes. What a sad week I've got. I kept praying, but nothing is helping. I wanna sleep early. But it's only 9pm!! So.. I stayed up. I don't know what's wrong with me right now.

My Dirty Little Secret

Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you`ll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know

When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
find out games you don't wanna play
you are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know
The way she feels inside (inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret


Who has to know?
Who has to know?

I was like randomly listening to some songs till I came across this with a catchy tune. When I checked the webbie for the lyrics, I came to agree to the writer.

Last night, during cell, we talked and debated about being authentic and not judgmental. And of course, that means we need to start opening up and share our 'dirty little secret'

How do I see this song applied to me was that when we share something about ourselves. The darkest part of our lives, it stays in the minds of those who hear it, not go around telling others about it.. 'or you'll be just another regret'

When we 'lie... it tears us apart'. That's how meaningful this song means.. tho it's kinda secular, but I can see some sort of Biblical aspects in it. Hope you can see it too!

The Unexpected Turn

Random talking is fun. When you randomly say, "Hey! Do you wanna come to church one day?" And you hear from the other party.. "Sure! Why not!"

Those few seconds should be the most happiest time of my life, but I was like 15min LAGGING. After we part ways, Zheng Xiang just went to meet his friends, while I head off to Tiong.. those few precious seconds came back to me...

Wait.. did he?! Just said?!?!?!!!! Immediately, there was praises to our Lord! But err.. erm.. abit slow... Nevertheless, I still gave thanks!

Now my prayer is, I want more of my life to be poured into him. I want him to see that Christians are more than what he thinks we are.. :)

My Sabbath

Guess it wasn't really 'that' Sabbath today. Straight after the PCM ritual.. I rushed off to actually watch a friend's audition held in TPY Hub. Calling this day.. The day for the Lord, I end up rushing from point to point..

I felt, it was a needed sacrifice to make. A person whom I want to share the Good News to, at least to show that I'm physically present, regardless my pretty busy schedule.. and of course, I'm tired.. -.-"

I'm not sure how much me being there means to him, since his got his own close group of friends. Manz.. I felt bad interrupting him with his friends conversation cause I was in a rush.. Tired + another appointment.

The gift that I received from church.. 'Bedside manners' talks about how we as leaders can minister to Christians who are ill and hospitalize. Not the kind I would read, but it's an eye-opener.

We don't need to meet their needs. We just need to acknowledge and encourage them to. Most of them don't need our help. Kinda depends.. we need to be sensitive, read between the lines, understand their true feelings. :) Which leads and reminded me that, I need to know what Zheng Xiang wants. Meet that need, and being sensitive. (Not too sensitive, or he'll run over me.. )

Well, this surely ends my Sunday, but not my Sabbath. Oh yea!! Tim Hughs really led me into a great time of worship. I felt lifted up to God.. It's like my Spirit went up to Heaven with him.. Woo.. I really enjoyed that feeling. It felt great!

Past Days

Nothing dramatic happened. Usual daily stress-load. Seeing my friends. Doing nothing in the office. And simply rotting.

Reflecting on my daily scriptures. It's amazing how my non-christian friends are picking up my PDL to read! Their asking questions and amazingly, their starting to open up. Especially Zheng Xiang.

Yeah. He still admits that he don't need an extra-ordinary person to help him. He can do it himself. Well, the time will come, that he will know, his limits are limited. But not God's.

Struggle to live..

I tried to get up.. I couldn't. For some reason.. my body was too weak again to move. I prayed. But everything remained silence. Thanks to that, I can't go to camp.. again..

I'm starting to feel that my illnesses, problems is not a physical issue, but something spiritual. The start of all these seemed to go way back when I was in poly. Getting the root of the problem is hard. Seeking God is now my priority..

How can I tell my officer in camp.. "Err Sir.. This morning when I woke up, I had a spiritual attack." Their gonna give me the 'diao' face. I looked around me for answers.. Nothing.. I seek God, but still nothing. Since there's nothing for me to receive no matter how much I tried. I decided.. sleeping is the best solution.

I will be coming tomorrow.. Should try to..

What the...

What the....

All things went well.. strange. No temptations, no crude words, no struggles. Everything felt so easy to live.. It's like suddenly, all my troubles and worries were all gone!

I visibly carry my Purpose Driven Life (PDL) all over the camp. Letting people see that hey! I'm reading this book and I'm a Christian!

I've got affirmations from various believers. And amazingly, non-christians are starting to talk about religion and God..

Today.. just having some 'big occasion' in my unit. Nothing special.. But I get to stay in one place peacefully and think.. reflect on God's beauty.. without the Bible.. :( [ darnz.. i should bring along one now.. ] Work ended late. But it's fine. I got time to spend with God at least..

Concluded day.. Nothing overwhelming happened. Just a simple day in camp..

OH!! I Got my new hair cut!! :) hee..